Grown Up..But Not

Today I'm going to be philosophical and share a struggle I've been going through ever since I can remember.

I have a HUGE fear of confrontation. I will do anything to avoid a fight or even a possible fight with someone, whether it is family, friends or strangers. I don't know what it is but my whole body tenses up and I get a really bad headache.

I've been taught my entire life to be kind to others and accomodate others but what I wasn't taught was how to stand up for myself when I didn't agree with something or even ask a question to someone I wasn't familiar with. It was never really that big of an issue until I got into my late high school years and people picked up on this characteristic and started treating me like a doormat.

Nowadays, any time a girl/woman stands up for herself, she's called a b**ch and guys are called a**holes. Sometimes it is deserving but other times they are just trying to get their way of thinking across. I guess I've just been so afraid of being called this name that I always back down and think that whatever I'm having to deal with isn't that bad.

A friend has been pushing me to stand up for myself and telling me it's not wrong and it has been truly eye-opening. I guess all it took was someone else believing the same thing I did and having courage to do something about it. Now I'm not saying that my problem is cured and I'm just going to be open about everything I think is wrong but I think I'll do a little better now in expressing my opinions in a very calm and adultlike manner.

Okay, rant over haha

On another note, I'm starting Bikram Yoga tonight! I'm so excited to try something new. I'm sure it'll kick my butt but it'll all be worth it :]